SAUTI SOL UNCHAINED

thetruebienaime

With the release of our third album around the corner, a bi-weekly meeting to discuss general progress is paramount. This morning we (Sauti Sol) met with our overall management to discuss the way forward. The meeting started in a rather disheartening tone. All our potential corporate sponsors pulled out after the release of Nishike. After months of meetings and presentations, below are their reasons for the sudden change of heart.

  1. ‘Sauti Sol is now too out there’
  2. ‘Sauti Sol has seized to be a brand that associates with family and Kenyan values.’
  3. ‘Sauti Sol is too risky; they show great potential to break up, get into drugs or other vices that don’t represent company values.’
  4. ‘Sauti Sol is not Kenyan enough.’
  5. ‘Sauti Sol has lost more fans than they have gained’

In one particular boardroom during talks involving artists; the mention of our name was met with sarcastic laughter and…

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So You Want To Be The Most Photographed?

paparazzis

paparazzis

Is being photographed the in-thing for most people right now?? Showing up at every event in town wearing oversize sun glasses trying too hard to look important and clad in imitations of what most of you see in fashion weekends or probably surfed the internet for the latest fashion trends in hopes of becoming the eye-candy at the event and a buzz for the snaps or should i say in your quest of becoming a socialite,the likes of Huddah Monroe or Vera Sidika.Well,it might be worth the shot but what next??Can you keep up with the lifestyle.Will you rock the latest trends everytime,will your pocket allow it? So stop trying too hard because by the time you start buzzing you going to have white hair(or even never buzz at all) It will not be worthwhile but if you can keep up,well,snap away..Id advise you to instead take up photography instead and you’ll be sort out by the your kind of people who also want their pictures taken and they’ll pay you for it.

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Why The Nairobian Issue (30th Nov.) sold out!

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TURN UP

TURN UP

The teenagers call it innocent fun and it all went down at the DAYLIGHT INSOMNIA where the Twerkfest and upcoming Dr. Ringdings showed up their absurd talents( raunchy immitations of the PG18VSNL rap videos from the likes of Lil Wayne) and brought the place down while the chicks dropped what what their mamas gave them as the dress code; swimming gear (chicks in bikinis) made it more steamy as guys oogled..Days later, The ghost of Insomnia Past visits!Splashed on the pages of The Nairobian magazine, Is the Aftermath of the insomnia come back to haunt the innocent teenage revellers with the help of Mr.snitch,Silas Nywanchani*the writer of the article* (the best thing that happened to the parents after Mrs.Snitch, The Househelp) What they had to do next was to get rid of the proof,by buying up all the copies of the magazine,working up their savings,first time ever to buy something in print! Next time,stay off cameras,unless u can pay off the ruthless teenagerazzi! (paparazzis who have dedicated their lives to caption teens doing wrong and snitch on ’em)

Aside

IF DENRELE EDUN WAS A KENYAN

DENRELEIf Denrele was a Kenyan,he would be the talk of the town,gossipped by everybody and his arrival at any place would be met by stares and pointing fingers.
People will wonder if lady gaga raised him and he’l be a buzz for the papparazzi.Mathare Mental Hospital will be on the look-out and hunt him down like a prey.
His mode of dressing will be the tabloids favourite.The platform boots will be a stylists kryptonite and all the women will be oogling at his hair while punks will be busy asking for his supposed ‘rock album’.
His non-stop talking will earn him the nickname chatterbox and the Director of 20th Century Fox’s ‘A Thousand Words’ will cast him as their lead actor in a re-vamped edition.
He’l be the political campaigners favourite since he’l do most of the talking and judging by the amount of words he speaks per second,he’l probably write a book titled ‘The Neverending Story’.
If he ever lands a T.V Interview,they will have to cancel commercial breaks and kick him out when the show’s over since he’ll not stop talking.
He will redefine biology.Scientist will introduce Denrelogy,study of the origins of Denrele to trace his origins and evolution earning him the name Homo sapien crazien.
Will he fit the Kenyan Lifestyle..??